Day 44

At the risk of making this a food blog instead of one about sobriety I'm making beet ravioli this weekend. Cooking takes my mind off of drinking so it's related to my journey. A friend of my wife got the recipe from the chef at a reeeaaalllly good italian restaurant in my neighborhood. I don't think anyone is reading this but here's the link.

I'll be back on Monday, Day 47 I hope.

Day 43

Just heard from my cousin again, he said to keep it simple;

1. Don't drink
2. Go to meetings

That's it... Really thats all there is to it. I was in a Barnes and Noble today looking at the addiction books. They all refer to Twelve Step programs and none of them get it. They say that they are full of paradoxes and contradictions. I don't feel that way at all, if I am truly honest with myself I don't need a professional to tell me I'm a drunk. I think I'll stay away from those books in the future and stick to AA approved stuff.

Day 42

Another day another meeting, working on third step. I think once you decide to call yourself a member of Alcoholics Anonymous you've done this one. I'm going to keep it short today, I'm taking the afternoon off and watching the Mets game.

Still sober, still grateful.

Day 41

Still counting, I bought a new pair of sneakers for the summer. A simple task, when I was drinking it would've been impossible. I seem to recall shopping for sneakers drunk out of my mind once, fell off the little stool thing. I would put off little stuff like this till it was absolutely imperative to do it, like my feet stank so bad my wife would say something.

My cousin who has been sober for twenty years e-mailed yesterday, asked me what I had done for sobriety today, good question. I'm really trying to stay busy, I've rediscovered my love of cooking, today I'm making some caramel corn. Drunks sometimes need sweets, it's a recipe from David Lebovitz. Look I got all fancy and made it a link!

Grateful for another day sober.

Day 40

Well I made through the weekend, went to a Big Book meeting last night. I watched that Hallmark movie about Lois Wilson last night, not bad I guess. I stopped at one of my old watering holes on my way home this afternoon, not a good idea for a drunk. I didn't drink but that not really the point. It's never a good idea, it shows that I'm still hanging on to my old life, still doing the same things, the things that led to my current situation.

I got caught drinking during my "lunch hour", more like three hours on most days. I've been suspended for one year and given one shot at staying sober. The real pain of it all is that I have to want this for myself, not for my job, my wife or anything else for that matter. I'm wondering if I'm really not drinking for the right reasons, or if it even matters why I don't drink just that I don't.

I'm going to figure out how to jazz up this blog a bit, maybe add links to AA or something like that, I've got time after all.

Day 37

No meeting this afternoon, gonna hit one tonight though. I'm bored right now, always a bad thing for an alky. I'll find something to mess with around the house, maybe walk the dog again.

I'm looking forward to the weekend, spend some time with the wife, she's been great about all this. Sorry not writing more today but I'm starved.

I'll be back on Monday, God willing it will be day 40.

Day 36

Just returned from a noon meeting, I'm pretty lucky to live in a neighborhood that has a ton of meetings. I can walk to one almost everyday or evening. The one I went to today is usually pretty crowded. I wasn't crazy about this group at first because they don't mind people sharing about addiction to substances other than booze. I've become way more tolerant of that sort of thing, addiction is addiction I think.

I guess I'm gaining some humility, it doesn't seem so important that I'm the hypothetical "pure alcoholic". I stuck to booze for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was the random drug testing at work. I probably would have mixed alcohol with other stuff if not for that.

Well I have to attend a group therapy session at this outpatient rehab I'm attending tonight. I wasn't sold on this place at first either, most of the other clients are mandated to be there by one agency or another, more than one is on parole for this or that. Oh well, at least I found a spot for my car on the Thursday alternate side so I don't have to move it tomorrow.

Focusing on the little things for now, not picking up the first drink and letting go of my will for God's will. Hmm, I'm eligible for a thirty day coin, better go back to the meeting out in Nassau County where I got my 24 hour one.

Day 35

35 days since my last drink. St Patrick's day 2010, March 17th. I was told by someone at a meeting it was a great sobriety date. I'm still torn about the whole counting days thing, you hear "take it one day at a time", and then you count them all. The days behind me are meaningless, only today matters for now.

I hope to get better at this blogging thing, this is my first attempt, I've got plenty of time at the moment. I'm serving out a one year suspension from work, yes it's due to my drinking, more on that later.